You see, it was about this time of year, Christmas time, a long long time ago. The cast of The View, feeling dejected about having been involved in the worst piece of programming ever to be called "entertainment" crafted a devious plan to take over 'Murica and kill the baby Jesus. Clad in purple spandex, so as to reduce the visibility of their excess weight, they journeyed to the deepest most mysterious part of the sea, the Bermuda triangle, to find the power to defeat the great strength they would need to overtake Jesus and his protector George Washington, or as he is known colloquially George-Dubyuh. In Bermuda they met an evil twisted creature that would show them the evil secrets of the deeps. This creature was horrendous, having been twisted by years of exclusion from his people, and any honest human would cringe at his sight. Jar Jar Binks showed the cast of The View to an evil cube surrounded by an army of shark men. The cube unfolded to reveal itself to be the great robot Megatron who hated the earth (aka Murica) because of the wrongs done to it by the valiant defender Meghan Fox. Feeling confident with their evil forces (them, Megatron, Jar Jar Binks, and the army of shark men) they began the long trek to Murica, planning to take over the continent (hopefully locking it if the metagame was a little better developed by that time).
But all was not lost! Baby Jesus, using the power of Voodoo foresaw the rising of the great evil horde and called forth George-Dubyuh to amass a host of his own for to combat the forces of wickedness. He traveled to the beautiful city of Philadelphia to ring the Liberty Bell to call on the forces of Freedom. With the promise of boobs, beers, and freedom the great men and women of the United States shipping services assembled to combat the invaders (who were also communists and liked European techno music and shit, they were just all-around bastards). In the city of New Orleans the two forces met and an epic battle of epic portions began, epically. Though whoefully outnumbered by the purple spandex clad evil bastards, the forces of good, the forces of Murica, were on the edge of victory. Suddenly, there arouse a great clamour from the middle of the United States of Murica ranks, a traitor by the name of Dick Cheney produced a hunting rifle and began shooting his own men (by "accident")! Jesus, forseeing this with the power of Voodoo called for someone who could defeat the traitor. Suddenly neighbours Jean Chretien (hence forth known as Johnny Boy to avoid horrible slaughter of his francophone name) and the Montréal Canadiens descended from the north and stood up to that Dick.
The forces of Freedom mopped up the last of the evil minions of the cast of the View, showing no mercy. Though many great and mediocre people were lost that day, like John Mayer, Grover Cleavland, and Danny Williams, George-Dubyah decreed that the assembly of good should hence forth go down in history as the Voodoo Facilitated Shipping Related Industries Army and Company. Though this name was latter changed to Voodoo Shipping Company to be sexier, cause sex sells, the massive slaughter showed forever that those who face the great masses of Murica and the baby Jesus will be put to death.
Jk. Just ask around!